Entries Tagged 'defending the swine' ↓

Court Rules Breadpig Band Isn’t Actually Making Music (WTF?)

loading the breadpig band albumThis shit just got serious. Now the DOJ wants a piece of breadpig. If you’re not familiar with the breadpig band, educate yourself and return to this post – we won’t hold it against you.

A breadpig ally at Harmonix (they make our instruments) named Matt kindly brought this to our attention in early March. We would have brought this to your attention sooner, breadpig loyalists, but we needed our legal experts to analyze this before we proceeded. This ruling makes “the Court” seem rather out of touch — as if they hadn’t downloaded our debut album When Will Then Be Now? from iTunes. Maybe they’re the one who gave us a 2-star review (our only one in a parade of 5-star glory).

Here’s a blurb. Read the entire damning PDF:

It is clear to any reasonable reader that the patent term “musical sounds” has a narrower meaning than that proposed by Gibson’s expert. Electric guitars and acoustic guitars are capable of producing some variety of sounds that are distinguishable, without additional processing, to the naked human ear. Gibson’s own expert admits that this is an important feature. Gibson’s expert also states that musical sounds have identifiable qualities such as “timbre” and “pitch.” Indeed, Gibson’s expert discusses at length various characteristics that “musical sounds” might have. Freeman Depo. at 31-40.

Gibson concedes that the guitar-shaped controller does not literally produce “musical sounds.” Gibson must concede the point because, for example and without limitation, the clacking of buttons as they are struck are (1) insufficiently varied or distinct; and (2) no reasonable person could say that any musical sounds heard during standard operation of a Guitar Hero controller come from the controller itself. Cf. Cl. Const. at 11 n.11 (discussing a hypothetical stereo button). Gibson’s concession on this point, however, is in tension with Gibson’s position on the drum-shaped controller. Gibson contends that the surfaces of the drum-shaped controller produce “musical sounds” even though they create, at most, thuds little more distinct than those one could produce by tapping a pen on a table. Summ. J. Hearing Tr. at 45:9-46:16, 56:22-57:6; Freeman Depo. at 40:15-41:10. There is no principled distinction between the clacking of a button and the dull thud produced when a plastic or rubberized drum-shaped controller is struck. True, striking a table or drum-shaped controller at different locations will produce somewhat different sound waves because the vibrations will differ based on where on the controller’s surface the force originates. True also, the degree of force should have some effect on the surface’s vibrations. But the same holds for striking a button at one position on a controller’s handle versus a button at another position; and for striking the same button at different velocities.

From the foregoing, the Court concludes that musical sounds must have more articulable characteristics than a button’s clack or the thud produced from striking a table, piece of rubber, or piece of plastic. A musical instrument must be capable of making, without additional processing, some variety of distinct sounds that can be sensibly described as having some or all the characteristics Gibson’s own expert discusses in his deposition. The Court observes, but does not conclude, that musical sounds may not need to be as complex as those the ’405 Patent’s only examples—guitars—and that musical sounds may not need have every characteristic discussed by Gibson’s expert, such as “timbre” and “pitch.” There is no reasonable dispute of material fact that Guitar Hero controllers do not themselves make musical sounds within the meaning of the patent. In fact, Gibson concedes literal noninfringement on the guitar-shaped controller. Even the recordings submitted by Gibson—where a player seems to exert some effort to strike the drum-shaped controller at different velocities such that the volume will correspond to features of the music the game console plays—cannot be musical sounds within the meaning of the patent. Vosburg Exh. 4.

The Wee Kitteh Named Breadpig

Behold, breadpig the cat! The first of his kind (as far as we know).

breadpig the kitteh for adoption

We must apologize for some shoddy reporting. The cat the SF/SPCA renamed “Breadpig” is in fact male. Nonetheless, he shouldn’t have any trouble finding a home.

He is either the life of the party or the laziest one in the room. He’s been called a player, but only because of his keen ability to love you and be loved by many, not to mention he can slay a toy mouse like its nobody’s business!

I couldn’t think of a better namesake. What are you waiting for? Adopt him!

You won’t even need to take the time to come up with a new name.

Thanks, SF/SPCA, breadpig is honored.

You Can’t Ask For Better Brand Association Than This, Or Can You?

Apparently there is more than one “breadpig” on the Internet. This fact is both weird and awesome at the same time. In this case, mostly weird, as the words around breadpig that would normally provide context clues and some understanding, actually bewilder. Good luck, breadpig, whoever you are…

breadpig wtfdiscovered on “DumB DumB’s LOVE”

Autobots Heart LOLmagnetz

LOLmagnetz recently made some more appearances.

Bordom.net deigned the kit worthy of combating boredom. That’s when you know you’ve arrived, when you’re on a site that’s dropped the “e” Flickr-style for maximum Web 2.0-ness.

But the coolest appearance to date was on a Transformers forum. No word yet on whether or not it’s a favorite of Autobots or Decepticons, but my money is on the former. Or maybe these magnets are the one thing that can bring these two warring groups together at last…

Breadpig Hath A Nemesis, Its Name Is Moonpig

This turned up in the breadpig snail mailbox recently. I wasn’t going to publicize it and let the terrorists win, but Chris (maker of LOLmagnetz.com) persuaded me otherwise.

It seemed innocuous enough, except for those threatening ellipses in the turn address field…

And the “supposedly” (wtf?).

Inside was a greeting card. I didn’t care for the way that ominous black cat and LOLcaption were staring at me.

Ah-ha! It’s Moonpig! Breadpig’s arch nemesis. If you’re reading this, Moonpig (and I know you are, for your all-seeing disembodied-head-in-space-helmet/ship is paying close attention to our hero) consider your challenge accepted. The breadpig is calling you out.

On the bright side, this letter did give me a chance to test out the anti-arch-nemesis-device I got for Yule last year.

Pigs Are Making A Comeback In A Big Way

Yet another LOLmagnetz review came my way last night, this time from technabob. But what really needs to be brought to your attention is this article discovered by a devoted member of the breadpig army: Gloucester bristles as feral porkers run amok.

Not only is that one of the best headlines ever, it’s an article about roughly one hundred feral swine that are threatening our very existence. Don’t take these porcine warriors seriously? Lawrence Herrighty of the state Division of Fish and Wildlife does.

“They are a threat to wildlife, agriculture and landowners,” Herrighty said. “They have to be eradicated.”

After years of subjugation, these once-oppressed swine are fighting back.

A freed pig becomes leaner, meaner, hairier and hostile

Wouldn’t you be?

Well, supporters of the breadpig needn’t fear our future pig overlords. There will be a special place for us when the revolution comes; our families and livelihoods will be protected. All because we believed in the breadpig.

A Breadpig Imposter — Moonpig? It Doesn’t Even Have Moons For Wings

A redditor and breadpig supporter, alerted me to this. Apparently someone across the pond has bastardized breadpig and created a “moonpig” to front a greeting card website (read: not unHolidayCards). Here’s an ad they’re currently running on televisions across the UK.

If any of you have more information regarding this abomination, please let me know. Though, this does remind me that breadpig could use a theme song. Just something with significantly less suck than Moonpig.

VH1, The Breadpig Is Not Impressed

I’ve only recently been alerted to this VH1 breadpig-clone called “Rock Band Band.”

This displeases the breadpig, although it’s flattered by the imitation.

Breadpig Snubbed From Rock Band Wii Commercial

Where’s the justice? The band featured in this video opened for us, like, three years ago. And they still cower in the shadow of the mighty breadpig. Don’t be fooled, if it weren’t for a lingering contract issue we had, it’d be Brian Femiano rocking out on the guitar solo.

A Movie I’m Not Going To See: Guitar Hero II

Paramount canned my screenplay for Breadpig: The Movie for this? I’m appalled. Hollywood has no taste — true art is never appreciated during its time anyway.