(PICTURES PLZ!)

UXOs: The persistent nightmare

During the Vietnam War, the US launched a 9 year secret offensive in Laos in an attempt to cut off the Viet Cong’s supply lines that resulted in 2 million tons of explosives dropped on to the small country with little regard for civilian life. As a result, this quite country holds the unfortunate title of “the most bombed nation per capita in the world”–and the gift keeps on giving. It’s estimated that 30% of the bombs failed to explode, meaning that 600,000 tons of explosives are still scattered around the forests and fields of Laos, a mere bump away from exploding. It’s a giant game of Minesweeper without any numbers to help.

Map of known bombing sites in Laos

The consequences of this are horrifying. Decades after the war Laos was never supposed to be involved in, hundreds of people are killed or seriously injured by UXOs each year; many are kids, who play with the colorful and small-sized submunitions out of curiosity. In heavily affected provinces, simple acts like construction or tilling a new field are terrifyingly risky ventures, paralyzing development. Even more tragically, a growing number of Laotians ignore these risks to become scrap metal collectors as metal prices soar and their alternatives for income dwindle. Children, drawn to the prospect of making extra money for their families without being fully cognizant of the risks, often mimic the adults.

As for the US? There’s been no official apology, as the government has yet to officially admit to the war in Laos. The US will give about $5 million this year to aid UXO removal, which seems like a healthy chunk of change–until you compare that to the $17 million spent every DAY for nine years on bombing Laos. Oh, and we didn’t sign that agreement to ban cluster bombs, either. If you sense hostility in my writing, it’s nothing compared to the helpless rage I felt standing in the small museum built by MAG, surrounded by rusty shells and heart-wrenching stories.

Real-Life Minesweepers

The museum was run by the Mines Advisory Group (MAG), an independent nonprofit working to reduce and contain the danger posed by remnants of conflicts. They’re the ones on the front lines of dealing with the mess: actually clearing areas so that Laotians can go on with their lives. You think “Deadliest Catch” is a nail-biting show? Watch Bomb Harvest, a documentary about MAG, and try not to have a heart attack–these guys (and gals!) locate, identify, move, and disarm giant explosives under unpredictable conditions, always one move away from killing everyone nearby.

Some of the many types of explosives used in Laos

But it’s not just the size of their cajones we admire. Rather than just clearing as much land as possible, MAG works with villages to determine what the most useful areas are to clear. By focusing efforts strategically, they are able to maximize the improvement to the village’s quality-of-life despite their limited resources. And while MAG brings in explosive experts from around the world initially, they do so to help train local teams to be capable of handling UXOs in their own provinces: this not only expedites the process in the long run, but also provides much-needed local jobs. Additionally, they actively hire disabled people, giving these victims a chance to support themselves again.

MAG is a big organization with big-ticket funders, but we think there might be ways for geeks to help. Sure, they’re part of a coalition that won a Nobel Peace Prize or whatever, but how come they don’t have Roombas that can detect bombs yet? Cheaper GPS units? If you have ideas for projects that could help MAG out in their work, let us know and maybe we can organize something!

Coping with Destruction

A sculpture outside COPE made of scraps from UXOs

Later that afternoon, we headed over to the COPE visitor to take a look at the other half of the solution–treating those who have already been affected by UXOs. COPE (Cooperative Orthotics and Prosthetics Enterprise) is a nonprofit housed inside Laos’ National Rehabilitation Center, a campus of facilities for fitting prosthetics, making wheelchairs, and physical rehabilitation. The COPE visitor center is part store (proceeds go towards COPE, of course), part documentary screening room, part exhibit on UXOs and COPE’s work, and all awesome. Oh, and there’s an ice cream stand with cheerful flavors to bring a smile back to your face afterwards.

A wheelchair designed especially for Laos roads

In addition to maintaining the visitor center, COPE sponsors patients through the full rehabilitation process, covering all costs such as transportation from their hometowns and meals. COPE also designs and manufactures assistive devices(wheelchairs and walkers), prosthetics, and orthotics, focusing especially on designing for Laotians and their way of life as well as incorporating more local materials and construction processes. COPE’s manufacturing team, many of whom are former patients who have received a great deal of specialized training, produces 9-12 fully-customized and locally-sourced legs a week–for just $50 each!

Homemade leg from a COPE patient

One of the most amazing things at the visitors’ center was the collection of homemade legs left behind by COPE patients. The variety of ingenious solutions and the quality of workmanship was astounding, and it was especially touching that several of the legs used metal from the fragments of the bomb itself. The collection is truly a powerful testament to perseverance and innovation in the face of tragedy.

We were lucky enough to sit down with a few COPE staffers after our visit, and we brainstormed some ideas to help out that we’ll be telling you about very soon. In short, however, COPE could use some on-the-ground technical assistance (fixing up their website, building easy-to-use databases to coordinate between field offices). Additionally, they would  like to take more volunteers who are trained in designing or fitting orthotics/prosthetics/assistive devices or physical therapy, but lack the capacity to manage the logistics (finding housing, paying a stipend, finding a translator) in most cases. Breadpig is interested in helping them with both of these things, so if you’re interested in getting involved please let us know!

A breadpig ally at Harmonix (they make our instruments) named Matt kindly brought this to our attention in early March. We would have brought this to your attention sooner, breadpig loyalists, but we needed our legal experts to analyze this before we proceeded. This ruling makes “the Court” seem rather out of touch — as if they hadn’t downloaded our debut album When Will Then Be Now? from iTunes. Maybe they’re the one who gave us a 2-star review (our only one in a parade of 5-star glory).

Here’s a blurb. Read the entire damning PDF:

It is clear to any reasonable reader that the patent term “musical sounds” has a narrower meaning than that proposed by Gibson’s expert. Electric guitars and acoustic guitars are capable of producing some variety of sounds that are distinguishable, without additional processing, to the naked human ear. Gibson’s own expert admits that this is an important feature. Gibson’s expert also states that musical sounds have identifiable qualities such as “timbre” and “pitch.” Indeed, Gibson’s expert discusses at length various characteristics that “musical sounds” might have. Freeman Depo. at 31-40.

Gibson concedes that the guitar-shaped controller does not literally produce “musical sounds.” Gibson must concede the point because, for example and without limitation, the clacking of buttons as they are struck are (1) insufficiently varied or distinct; and (2) no reasonable person could say that any musical sounds heard during standard operation of a Guitar Hero controller come from the controller itself. Cf. Cl. Const. at 11 n.11 (discussing a hypothetical stereo button). Gibson’s concession on this point, however, is in tension with Gibson’s position on the drum-shaped controller. Gibson contends that the surfaces of the drum-shaped controller produce “musical sounds” even though they create, at most, thuds little more distinct than those one could produce by tapping a pen on a table. Summ. J. Hearing Tr. at 45:9-46:16, 56:22-57:6; Freeman Depo. at 40:15-41:10. There is no principled distinction between the clacking of a button and the dull thud produced when a plastic or rubberized drum-shaped controller is struck. True, striking a table or drum-shaped controller at different locations will produce somewhat different sound waves because the vibrations will differ based on where on the controller’s surface the force originates. True also, the degree of force should have some effect on the surface’s vibrations. But the same holds for striking a button at one position on a controller’s handle versus a button at another position; and for striking the same button at different velocities.

From the foregoing, the Court concludes that musical sounds must have more articulable characteristics than a button’s clack or the thud produced from striking a table, piece of rubber, or piece of plastic. A musical instrument must be capable of making, without additional processing, some variety of distinct sounds that can be sensibly described as having some or all the characteristics Gibson’s own expert discusses in his deposition. The Court observes, but does not conclude, that musical sounds may not need to be as complex as those the ’405 Patent’s only examples—guitars—and that musical sounds may not need have every characteristic discussed by Gibson’s expert, such as “timbre” and “pitch.” There is no reasonable dispute of material fact that Guitar Hero controllers do not themselves make musical sounds within the meaning of the patent. In fact, Gibson concedes literal noninfringement on the guitar-shaped controller. Even the recordings submitted by Gibson—where a player seems to exert some effort to strike the drum-shaped controller at different velocities such that the volume will correspond to features of the music the game console plays—cannot be musical sounds within the meaning of the patent. Vosburg Exh. 4.

We must apologize for some shoddy reporting. The cat the SF/SPCA renamed “Breadpig” is in fact male. Nonetheless, he shouldn’t have any trouble finding a home.

He is either the life of the party or the laziest one in the room. He’s been called a player, but only because of his keen ability to love you and be loved by many, not to mention he can slay a toy mouse like its nobody’s business!

I couldn’t think of a better namesake. What are you waiting for? Adopt him!

You won’t even need to take the time to come up with a new name.

Thanks, SF/SPCA, breadpig is honored.

Bordom.net deigned the kit worthy of combating boredom. That’s when you know you’ve arrived, when you’re on a site that’s dropped the “e” Flickr-style for maximum Web 2.0-ness.

But the coolest appearance to date was on a Transformers forum. No word yet on whether or not it’s a favorite of Autobots or Decepticons, but my money is on the former. Or maybe these magnets are the one thing that can bring these two warring groups together at last…

It seemed innocuous enough, except for those threatening ellipses in the turn address field…

And the “supposedly” (wtf?).

Inside was a greeting card. I didn’t care for the way that ominous black cat and LOLcaption were staring at me.

Ah-ha! It’s Moonpig! Breadpig’s arch nemesis. If you’re reading this, Moonpig (and I know you are, for your all-seeing disembodied-head-in-space-helmet/ship is paying close attention to our hero) consider your challenge accepted. The breadpig is calling you out.

On the bright side, this letter did give me a chance to test out the anti-arch-nemesis-device I got for Yule last year.

Not only is that one of the best headlines ever, it’s an article about roughly one hundred feral swine that are threatening our very existence. Don’t take these porcine warriors seriously? Lawrence Herrighty of the state Division of Fish and Wildlife does.

“They are a threat to wildlife, agriculture and landowners,” Herrighty said. “They have to be eradicated.”

After years of subjugation, these once-oppressed swine are fighting back.

A freed pig becomes leaner, meaner, hairier and hostile

Wouldn’t you be?

Well, supporters of the breadpig needn’t fear our future pig overlords. There will be a special place for us when the revolution comes; our families and livelihoods will be protected. All because we believed in the breadpig.

If any of you have more information regarding this abomination, please let me know. Though, this does remind me that breadpig could use a theme song. Just something with significantly less suck than Moonpig.

This displeases the breadpig, although it’s flattered by the imitation.